Days are Long, Years are Short

The first time I heard this saying; I didn't get it. Now that Frankie is about to turn 6 years old, words have never been truer. My absence from writing has been lingering on my mind heavily lately. I often believe I will start writing again at night. Yet when the night rolls around I lay in bed with Frankie helping her to fall asleep and usually I fall asleep in the process. Sometimes it turns into an hour nap and sometimes it doesn't, however, if I don't fall asleep, sitting down at the computer to write is not on the top of my list of things to do. I use the time after Frankie goes to bed to get ready for the next day. Meal prepping and spending one on one time with my husband. It just so happens to be a time I like to turn off my brain. Not to mention, Sunrise yoga has become about the only time I can squeeze in my moving meditation. Therefore, my day starts at 5:35 AM and being in bed by 10 PM is imperative for that to happen.

As we approach Frankie's 6th birthday, I simply wonder where the time has slipped away. It seems like only yesterday I was painting her nursery. She has been thriving at school, dance and swim. I have been driving her to and from all the things, with the help of my in-laws on the days I teach at the cooking studio. Sometimes I feel like her private chauffer and chef, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I know that the day will come when she won't need me to do these things anymore and it will happen all too soon. So, I shall relish in these days. I do take some time to myself lately, way more than I have in the past few years. As she get's older, I don't feel the need to be by her side for every activity and I am fortunate enough to have the support of my in-laws. They will happily sit and wait for her to do just about anything. Since they are both retired, their life pretty much revolves around her, their only grandchild. I know that the time she has with them is limited, so I try to allow them to spoil her as much as possible. Sometimes this will reflect in her behavior, but when it does, I simply remind her that she must remember to speak and act kindly if she wants to get her way. I love that she is fiery and persistent. I think it is important to not let my own childhood trauma stifle that and get in the way of how we choose to parent her.

When I was growing up, I had a wonderful childhood, however, yelling and spanking were the primary tools for discipline. I have made a conscience effort to not pass that on to her. Sometimes, one of my sisters will tell me that I will soon deal with the consequences of my parenting choices. Alluding to the fact that she is spoiled. If I tell her that is just how we have decided to be as parents, she may reply with a sarcastic remark like "Well aren't you the perfect parent." To which I respond, "Yes, the perfect parent for Frankie." It is hard to see from the outside that Frankie does not respond well to yelling and she will shut down. I want to keep a healthy relationship with her, so I choose to handle things differently. My husband supports this and is totally on board with this parenting style. Also, I try to remind my sister that I started parenting much later in life than her. The result is I have more patience. I'm not sure my parenting style would be the same had I started 20 years ago. As for my sister, although she started her parenting journey younger, she has raised two very fine young men. I adore them both. I must admit, I would not be half the parent I am today had I not witnessed her parenting the boys.

Watching both of my older sisters raise their children and observing what kind of adults they have become, has made an enormous impact on me as a mother. To say that I have learned from them how to be a parent, is not an understatement. They have always been women I look up to and learned from. I am not sure I will be able to give Frankie the same benefit of having siblings. She may be the only child I will bear. Yet, I find comfort in knowing that Frankie is getting the best version of us now, her cousins included. I am beyond grateful she has my sisters and their offspring as role models. Strong, independent, compassionate, wise and not afraid to speak their truth. It excites me to say that she is destined to be a woman with a force to be reckoned with. As she is possibly the last in a long line of what I consider to be phenomenal women.