Dealing with Anger in a Toddler

Dealing with Anger in a Toddler

Oh, this is a tough one for me. I am working on controlling my anger in response to anything Frankie does, because her anger response is almost immediate, and I can tell you it isn’t easy. Especially when she is angry. We have a book Rainbow of Emotions by Elena Ulyeva, Clever Publishing, and Olga Agafonova (bookshop.org). This has been a great tool to try to take her mind off the anger response and think of a color. Next, now this is key. I agree with her. “MIND BLOWN.” I said “I would feel orange too or even red. It’s hard to feel those emotions.” I explain that I am feeling red (frustrated). Or if that isn’t working I will say the wrong color to correspond with the emotion I am feeling. “ I feel blue, and I don't want to be angry, and she will correct me. Thus taking us to a place that is less angry. This helps deescalate the situation. I don’t want to leave her alone to feel these emotions alone. She is 3 and really doesn’t know what to do when she feels this way. It is my job as her mother to guide her on a safer path. So in this particular situation that happened yesterday, my previously mentioned tactic did not work. Her anger level went from 0-swinging fist, literally throwing elbows, in seconds flat. She came at me punching. I was dumb founded. I just grabbed a yoga mat and told her to punch it. She threw herself down on top of that mat and started whaling on it. I just sat on the bed and watched. I didn’t know what to do. I tried everything I knew and nothing was working. So I started to think back to what had started this tantrum in the first place.

It was time to get ready for ballet and I had given a time countdown. Frankie and Maebz had started to set up a play/pretend picnic and they hadn’t had the chance to actually “Do the Picnic.”

Maebz started putting things away and getting ready to go as soon as she saw Frankies reaction. Looking at me with a “this isn’t going to end well” look. I decided to tell Frankie that I will take her on a real live picnic tomorrow in the park or on the beach. Wherever she wanted. I thought if I offered the real thing, she would be all about it. Nope, she would rather have a pretend picnic on her bedroom fool with Maebz. I totally get it, she is an only child, and she only has someone her age over once or twice a week. I just told her that I understood how she felt and was going to help Maebz clean and give her some space. I walked out to the living room, got down on the floor and started talking to Maebz (bless this sweet child). I thanked her for helping put the toys away. Just as I start to put some toys in the play kitchen, Frankie comes walking out and ever so gently places her tiny hand on my shoulder and says softly “I love you mommy.” I looked at her and smiled and said, “I love you too!”

I felt this was a breakthrough, sounds cliche right? No, I really felt like we made some progress, both of us. I remained calm and found compassion with her reaction, allowed her actions and helped guide her to a calm place. We still have a lot of work to do, but that is part of it. Finding Loving Awareness. My new mantra. I have heard it over and over again in yoga and I am just now really understanding what it takes. I will seek to find Loving Awareness in everything. It is a long road ahead, I intend to enjoy the ride, no matter how bumpy it gets. What a great ride.

Frankie is my little lightworker. She can turn around from being completely devastated, to perfectly pleasant, like nothing ever happened, quicker than I can say bi-polar. Just kidding, that was a bad joke. We are hoping to get to a point where she can go directly to the peaceful place, not anger. A loving awareness, avoiding all the aggression. At least this is my goal as her mother. I truly believe this is the reason she chose me as a mother. During a time in my life, I am becoming more aware. Manipulating the negative thoughts and behaviors hence transforming them into positive behaviors. Not all the time, not yet at least. I am just now becoming aware of myself. It is always nicer to have a mirror in front of you to see a different perspective. Being Frankies mother is like that. I either see my husband, me or my sister. All very close to me and part of me. All three have shaped who I am today, and I am so grateful for this. I will replace the anger with gratitude, that is how I will deal with it.